As we bid farewell to the debauchery of March and welcome April’s soggy prelude to May’s flora, another Fantastic Bonanza contest has come and gone. Merry March, we will always remember you fondly. We will also remember the entries to last month’s contest very fondly as well.
As usual, we had a tough time sorting through the responses, and we’ve picked the three bestest-of-the-bestest responses:
call me George: A guy like the one at the hotels who makes omlettes to order, except that he follows you around everywhere and makes tasty omlettes to help you tackle any obstacle.
Rjmanujan T. Scurmot: A golden trophy 25 miles high, five miles across and 5 feet wide (so that it would be easy to store).
Juan Dominguez: A gift pack containing some of the rarest world artifacts:
1. Hen’s teeth
2. A good Bush Administration decision, carefully preserved in amber where is was trapped a very long time ago.
3. A 3 minute tape containing funny jokes performed by Gallagher and Carrot Top.
4. Jimmy Hoffa
5. A live Yeti, complete with cage
Congratulations, gentlepeople! You are the proud recipients of some fantastic t-shirts. On with the show, then, as we present you, our loyal readers, with the prompt for April 2007:
In order to combat crime worldwide, Fantastic Bonanza! has decided to commission its very own superhero. Problem is, we’re short on ideas for criteria! If Fantastic Bonanza! added a superhero to its ranks, what would his or her superpowers be? Or should we not be satisfied with a paltry single superhero and seek a whole team?
Be sure to leave your email address in the “email” field when you respond. Otherwise, we won’t be able to contact you if you win! Wouldn’t that be horrible?
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Fantastic Bonanza definitely needs a team of 5 superheroes. Why 5? It’ll be like the Power Rangers, that’s why. And now, let’s introduce the magnificant team that’s going to be know as the “FB5!”
Name - Power
1. Bob - Releases dyes/inks from his hands to create a masterpiece. If fighting crime, he will ruin the enemies costume and make them weep. Come on, the costume is everything to some people.
2. Julie - Freezes time so if FB5! are lazy, they can just stare at their enemy and play cards in the background.
3. Tay - Manipulates people’s minds and can control them. No wonder he always gets his way with the ladies.
4. Maria - Makes food and monsters appear out of nowhere. Very handy if they’re in the middle of fighting crime and need a snack. As for the monsters, she can create a dinosaur if she wants to. So far, she has made a vampire, a zombie, a werewolf and the loch ness monster appear. Very cool. So what happens to these monsters? Uh…I’ll get back to you.
5. Walt - The leader of the FB5! and has 4 superpowers. No one knows why, but people have labelled him as a “Superman Wannabe.” His first superpower is that he can run really fast. “Just like Superman!” His second superpower is that he can turn anything into gold. Yes, gold. His third superpower is that he has the ability to see into the future. That’s how FB5! know where and when crime will occur. His last superpower is that he can teleport himself and others. Sure, he has superspeed, but how will his team catch up with him?
FB5! is a group of 5 different, unique superheroes that the world needs right now. They know when and where crime will strike. How will you recognize the FB5!? You won’t. They could just be strangers walking down the street. So keep an eye out for them…and if you do see any monsters…well, you’ll know what to do.
I reckon Reverse Psychology man could be effective. He uses the well known but often incorrectly harnassed power of reverse psychology, insisting that, hey, he wants you to keep on commiting the crime in question, he doesnt even care.
Works every time.
Kitty Van Meowey- Has the ability to change ones minds & thoughts