Fantastic Blognanza!

Are you sick and tired of people screaming about how Hilary Clinton is a heartless-yet-emotionally-unstable woman who is incapable of leading the country? Or people freaking out about how Mike Huckabee wants to explode the First Amendment and turn the U.S. into Christian theocracy?

Yep—it’s only January, but America’s tercentennial quadrennial shouting match is already in full-swing. Fortunately, Retro Campaigns gives those of us who are sick of all this vitriolic debate a chance to escape into our glorious past. Screw the new millennium, I say! Who needs all these newfangled campaigns when we have plenty of perfectly good ones still lying around from the 50s, 60s, and 70s? They’re just sitting in the attic, gathering dust! Besides, I’d much rather vote for Adlai Stevenson than any of the current candidates, and he’s been dead for 40 years!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Mr. Adlai E. Stevenson, a quick history lesson: he was an Illinois governor who ran for president against Dwight D. Eisenhower in 1952, and again in 1956. During the ‘52 campaign, he acquired a reputation for his frugality and earthiness, famously symbolized by the hole worn in the sole of his shoe (from all the miles he had walked on the campaign trail, you see). He also gained a reputation for being an egghead intellectual, which alienated him from a large portion of the voting public. After losing both elections in landslide defeats, he was eventually appointed as U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations in 1960. Today, he has all sorts of things named after him in the Chicagoland area (like a major interstate highway and this high school).

Also, his initials (AES) come up a lot in crossword puzzles.

Actually, now that I’m at it, I might as well tell you my favorite story about Mr. Stevenson. Or rather, I’ll let Wikipedia tell it for me, since I’m lazy like that:

His most famous moment came on October 25, 1962, during the Cuban missile crisis, when he gave a presentation at an emergency session of the Security Council. He forcefully asked the Soviet representative, Valerian Zorin, if his country was installing missiles in Cuba, punctuated with the famous demand “Don’t wait for the translation, answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’!” in demanding an immediate answer. Following Zorin’s refusal to answer the abrupt question, Stevenson retorted, “I am prepared to wait for my answer until Hell freezes over.” In a diplomatic coup, Stevenson then showed photographs that proved the existence of missiles in Cuba, just after the Soviet ambassador had implied they did not exist.

That’s so bad-ass. (By the by, this incident was referenced in the sixth Star Trek movie, played out in the scene where General Chang questions Captain Kirk at the trial on the Klingon homeworld of Qo’nos. Yes, I am a huge nerd.)

By the way, all the pages at Retro Campaigns have historical information about the relevant politcal campaigns. A nice touch, if I say so myself. (Do you like how I awkwardly tied my historical digression back to t-shirts?)

Okay, so—a quick recap:

• If you’re sick of all the blowhards who are arguing incessantly about the 2008 presidential race, go to Retro Campaigns and buy a shirt or two. That way, the next time someone accosts you to explain how Ron Paul will wave his libertarian wand and make all of America’s problems magically disappear, you can just point at your t-shirt and say, “Sorry, I’m supporting McGovern this year!” Briefly savor their nonplussed expression before walking away nonchalantly.
• Adlai Stevenson is awesome.

Expensiveness: $19.99Link: [Retro Campaigns]